My Struggles

A while back I had become disillusioned and struggling with my faith. Although I prayed a good deal, I didn’t seem to find contentment. Then after reading through a number of meditations and Christian books, I realised I had too much ‘I’ in my life. ‘I’ was trying to be more holy, ‘I’ was trying to make my own decisions, ‘I’ was trying to witness to others; I knew I had to turn my life round completely. It was not my trying that mattered, everything needed to be turned over to God. It wasn’t my struggling that mattered, it was allowing God to have His own way in my life. He would allow things to happen according to His will and not to mine. Holiness would come from Him and not from me. Witness to others about God’s love would be of no use on my own. God knows how and when each person will come to Him. He alone would know if He would graciously use me. How arrogant I had been to think I was the centre of the universe. My every thought and action needed to be given over to Him.

‘I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.’ 1 Corinthians 10:33